When Man goes away with His guys they sew their oats. But whilst i am home alone, I sew my oats too.I do nothing that I couldn't do if He was here. But I feel a freedom to it. My body perked to His absence. I get out of the bed, i don't bother with the dressing gown, i pad barefoot on the cool wood floor. I take the toys from the drawer, lay them out as if they are surgical tools. I clean and admire them one by one. The little egg vibrator glistens silver, i straighten the cord, give him, fresh batteries. I massage a tube of lube in my small hand, warming it as i do. Then i grin at a big black butt plug the naughtiest one i have. The biggest. I test the red plastic clothes pins in my hands then lay them next to the other implements. Then i put my imagination on the bed with the rest of my toys.My imagination wanders through all the possibilities. I lay back. His hand is pushing me down, pressing against my chest, pushing me to the soft clean cool sheets. He holds me down. He puts the. My brother stopped calling me Babe when he was thirteen and realized how inappropriate it might sound to others.As I said, my father died when I was seven. My mother then put all of her focus, energy, and time into her work (she's a lawyer). She wouldn't let herself slow down, I think out of fear she'd finally have to let herself grieve and deal with daddy's death. So my brother Brenden took care of me. He's nineteen now and I just turned sixteen. He's more than a brother to me, he's my best friend, a substitue dad, he's the only person I've ever completely trusted because he knows exactly what we've been through as a family.Since he's left for college in the beginning of the fall semester, I barely see him anymore. But he's home now for winter break and I can't wait to spend time with him."Hey little sister, what's up?" Brenden asks as he plops down on the couch next to me."Nothing..." I look away from him and hold back some tears. I'm obviously upset, and it doesn't take him long.
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