I sobbed until I was able to steel myself, resigning my fate towhat was due me. They had made me in the image of a woman; ofcourse I'd have the intimate parts of one! I raised my head,straightened my shoulders and...cried once again as I saw howpronounced my breasts seemed to be reflecting back in the mirror.Finally able to fight against the sobbing of the woman's body I wascaptive to, I straightened up once again and clenched my jawdefiantly."I'll not give in to this...those bastards can't win!" I glancedtoward the window; outside I could hear the old man talking to thechild...my anger softened. It sounded so vulgar for the words toescape my lips. "If I've got to try to portray this...this woman...I've got to try my best to get back my body as soon as I can...andto do that, I have to play along." I sighed, finally understandingthat, like it or not, I would have to live like this woman. Only myhope, was that it wouldn't be for too long of a duration.I stood and dried my face, re-hung. In my case the ultimate cause of this masochism was inadequate fathering.My dad was an iron worker and I remember him mostly being too tired to doanything with us boys (except, significantly, the occasional spanking). Somany of the skills I needed to function socially as a boy (i.e. learn tothrow a ball, learn to ride a bike) I had to do the best I could on my own.When a cousin or a pal would help me learn these things, I would end uphaving a crush on him (what I really needed was a dad). Since spankingswere one type of interaction my dad did do, I ended up making this powerdisplay a central theme in my adult fantasy life. I thought that somehow,if my dad really whipped me hard (which he never did) it would somehow"make a man out of me."In the early sixties it was still common for dads to whip their sons inworking-class neighborhoods. I remember hearing a k** down the streetreally "getting it" from his dad, on more than one occasion, who used arazor strop on his boys out in the.
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