Now just in case some unsuspecting saddo has wandered in here by mistake in the vain hope that there might be some proper sexy bits hidden somewhere amongst all this interminable wordage it might be best if I introduce myself. My name is Cum Girl and I am an internationally famous agony aunt to the stars and assorted lesser mortals and I write a sometimes infrequent column called 'Dear Cum' where I provide shimmering pearls of advice to undeserving and frequently ungrateful swine. Throughout my many years of dedicated, unselfish, empathetic advice-giving I have received mailbags overflowing with heart-rending letters of turmoil from wives and those blessed creatures who have been deemed fortunate enough to call themselves 'wife lovers' and today I am going to give that bottle a good shake, release the stopper, and see what sticky, thick and delicious liquid comes spurting forth. So, without any further 'much ado about nothing', and definitely not pausing to point out the awfulness of. Instead, it gave the onlooker a sense of promise of what was hidden under its flowing folds. The trio froze in their seats."Er ... guys," I said. "We're going to the Petronas Auditorium. There's a concert we want to go to. Make it easy for you to follow us if you know where we're going."The trio stared at us in astonishment."Coming or not?"Cleo gave them another slow smile — you could almost see the icicles festooned on that smile — and took my arm. When we were out of the door they rose to their feet and followed us out. So much for stealth.We were late because of the traffic and took our seats in the middle of Schubert's Ave Maria. Not one of my favourites I must admit, but the programme said that the next piece would be a Bach fugue. Cleo enjoyed the Ave Maria immensely."Reminds me of my confirmation," she whispered. She had been baptised a Catholic.There was a final flourish and the quintet bowed to polite applause. I wondered how many in the audience were there simply because it.
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