I certainly didn't reach any conclusions at the time but didn't let the internal exploration of it worry me too much either. I was who I was.I knew I was attracted to girls and never really was attracted to boys in the same way I was to girls. I did, however, have curiosity about how they could potentially (or not) fit into a situation that I would find sexually pleasing considering my fondness for anal. This curiosity persisted but it wasn't till I was 17 that it ultimately lead me to trying to find someone (using the internet) that I could explore my anal sexuality with. I knew I was very intrigued by trans-girls, but with the somewhat-small town I lived in, I knew there wasn't going to be any chance of me finding one to get to know and learn from, so I figured a guy to experiment with sexual was just as good, at least for those earliest experiences. I started chatting in adult forums and found a few adult oriented sex sites and ultimately stumbled upon a gay site with guys who. "Thing about stains," he said, "is they don't change anything. You can spill blood on raw silk, but it'll always be raw silk."He waited a beat or two to see if she was going to reply, but she didn't. He started the car and spun back on the road.The air almost felt cool by three in the morning. It wafted through the open window of Hayden's hotel room, but sleep was eluding him with a deliberate vengeance. The whole day had become a repeating loop in his mind of those ten, surreal minutes in the vineyard. What dug in Hayden's mind as much as anything was knowing if it were possible to go back and change what happened, he wouldn't.He leaned against the frame of the full length window and watched slivers of sea foam wash against the sand below. It seemed as if each, lazy wave triggered his memory's playback. He was naked, and his body felt leaner and harder as tension gripped from within.Her hands pulling his wrist. The amber-green liquid of her overpowering eyes as she pushed his hand.
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