I guess I’ll start with the most painful of all, Mother.” “Take your time, get yourself back together, don’t cry, just start”. “OK, here goes. My Dad disappeared when I was little, maybe six or seven. I don’t really remember him much, except that he was big and warm. Mother was devastated, I guess, and never recovered. She never had another man, but she had lots of men if you know what I mean.” “No, you’d better tell me what you mean explicitly and in detail. This is the kind of stuff that helps you. Tell me everything.” “Well, it started when I was little, about eight or ten. When I was scared, I would jump in bed with Mommy. And it was warm and secure. As the years went by, I always jumped in with her to feel good. She was big, warm, soft, and comforting, and the scary went away. By the time I was 16, I still had no men in my world, except for the occasional man that she brought home for an evening. Then, she would drink and laugh with these men, and I shut my eyes and ears to what. As I watched the college track team, I saw some positions that I could excel at, finally on one after noon I decided to go to the track field and start my session before the college team arrived. I had watched and saw that they would allow a loaner or two too continue and maybe even join in with them. I challenged the star runner to a sprint and won, the team was aghast that I had out run their star and mobbed the coach to allow me to come and train with them in the even hours. I got to know most of the college track team and we trusted each other, they allowed me to come out all summer long and sprint with them. On more than one occasion I was allowed to return to their shower and bathe. I made some great friends and very good connections, do to my uninhabited sprints with these older guys. Most of the track team was in their early twenty's or late teens. It was on one of the occasions that I was allowed to return to their shower room that things went strange... As I was.
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