Mona

..You only have three spices: salt, pepper and ketchup.Halloween costumes have to fit over parkas.You have seventeen recipes for casserole.Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.The four seasons are: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road repair.The highest level of criticism is “He is different,” “She is different,” or “It was different!”ORYou can retire to The Deep South where...You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.“Y’all” is singular and “all y’all” is plural.“He needed killin” is a valid defense.Everyone has two first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Joe Bob, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.Everything is either: “in yonder,” “over yonder” or “out yonder.”You can say anything about anyone, as long as you say “Bless his heart” at the end!ORYou can move to Colorado where...You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home, so he stops at the day care center.A pass does not involve a. Abby was always poised and regal. A bitch, yes, but a regal bitch all the same.“I’m just going to come right out with this, John,” she said. “I want to apologize for being a total bitch.”“Okay...” I drawled. “What brought this on?”“That’s not important,” Abby said. “Let’s just say it was hammered home to me that I was acting like a spoiled princess and given some big reasons to change my behavior. I’m starting by apologizing to people. I apologize, John. I treated you like shit because you were a freshman. There wasn’t any reason for that and I’m sorry. As a fellow band member, I should have been polite even if I didn’t like you, but I was a jerk and didn’t even know you. I’m sorry.” There were tears in her eyes by the time she got through that little speech.Wow. That was a lot to take in. Part of my brain tried to remember when Ash Wednesday was and had the skeptical thought that maybe she was giving up being an asshole for Lent or something, but I’m a nicer person than that, so all.
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